There is a light at the end of the tunnel...

...but I'm not in a tunnel.

I'm in the bright sunlight with a beautiful baby that I've wanted for long time. There is something to be said about perspective and I think in my lack of sleep I may have lost it for a bit.

There is no denying it is exhausting caring for an infant. They literally need you for everything. Add on top of that caring for an older child and one can feel overwhelmed. Especially when one isn't used to it. Now I am fully aware that a lot of you are not only caring for an infant your caring for many more children so I really do not have a lot to complain about. And here in lies the rub...I'm trying not to complain...it's not even that I'm not happy with my life or anything. I'm just tired. However, instead of finding a solution I just complained about being tired. Doesn't help anyone I'll tell you that much.

Enjoying the moment.

So I decided to live in the moment as it were. Cuddle my baby while he's still small enough to lay on my chest. Kiss his little head before he's running away from me to explore new things. Revel in how much my oldest loves her brother before she's screaming at me that he's annoying her. These days are never going to happen again, not in this way. Yes I'm tired, yes I wish he slept through the night, but in no way do I want him to be anyone but himself. So if he still needs me at night then mommy will be there. I'll also actively work at figuring out what is keeping him awake.

I've now removed dairy and beef from my diet. This means I need to make sure I'm taking my prenatals because I don't want my iron to be to low. Anyway, point being yesterday was the first day where I didn't have a bit of either of those things and last night he slept SO much better. You see it wasn't really the fact that I needed to get up to feed him, that's all fine and good if he actually sleeps in between feedings I have some time to sleep. However he was squirming and wriggling in between to the point of actually waking himself up. See now that does no one any good. There were times that the only way he'd actually sleep is if he was on my chest (like the picture) and even then it was only for an hour or two and then he'd be squirming again. So now I'm figuring out my diet so that I can still eat good food but what I'm eating isn't making the poor boy squirm and wriggle till he finally poops. I think this was even affecting his naps. So we'll see over the next week or two if we have any improvement. Why didn't I think of this before you ask? I did, but I didn't want to put in the effort to change my diet so it stayed the same...really then I did this to myself. Stupid, stupid mama...lol

Hopefully we are now on an upswing and he will sleep better, but honestly even if he doesn't this too shall pass and in a year I'll be reading this and wistfully thinking back to the little baby who loved to cuddle in mommy's arms.

My beautiful princess :)

Speaking of growing up without warning me I finally took DD to get her hair cut. It has been driving me crazy! She didn't seem to mind but the constant dangle of so much hair in her face was making me insane. What's worse is she wouldn't let me put it up in any capacity, not to mention fighting me pretty much any time I tried to brush or comb it. For awhile she was terrified to have it cut so it was a losing battle for me. THEN we got her the movie 'Tangled' and one time when she was watching it with DH at the end when Rapunzel's hair gets cut she said 'I want my hair short like that.' Boom, done, I found a place here that came recommended by a friend and only charged $13 for a haircut and brought her in yesterday. She even got to have her hair washed and styled, she was so excited and she behaved SO well! Plus...look at how beautiful and grown up she looks with her short hair!

I love, LOVE the cut and am planning to go again in December to get it trimmed before we head out to my parent's place for Christmas. We'll maintain short hair until she decides she'd like something different. I'm sure one day I won't be able to get into my bathroom because she'll be doing her hair, but right now it's a chore just getting her to wash it! LoL Well I'm off to hang out with my kids. Next topic will more than likely be my new work out regime...that's right this mama is going to lose the extra pounds! I need to start feeling like me again! Until next time...

The second pot of coffee will be brewing...

...it's a two pot kind of day here in our household.

We're still only on our first pot but I'm up at 6:30 for reasons unknown to me. Both children are sleeping soundly (okay DS is sleeping rather loudly with these weird noises but he's sleeping!) yet I'm fully awake! It's normal for DH to be awake now but not so much for me, I'm usually begging to be sleeping at this point. But you see DS let me have two stints of about 3 hours so for some reason my stupid body now thinks THAT is sleeping well because up until this point it's been worse than that. How stupid IS my body? lol

'Helping' me work out :)

Okay DD just started coughing and DS has simmered down. Man my children are loud when they sleep. Although it's not her fault this cold keeps lingering. I have plans this weekend that are probably going in the pooper if this sticks around. (Don't worry church folk, still leading :)

Anyway on to other news. I've started working out again. It's going to be a bit of a process trying to find the time to do it though. With DD I just waited till she was having her afternoon nap and then I'd get my hour in on the Wii fit. This time around I've ordered Zumba for the Wii because I want to focus more on cardio and weight loss to start. I have a bit further to go than I did with DD so first loss, then tone...see I have a plan. I just hate the idea of trying to go to the gym and with the amount that DS nurses even just taking one class is hit and miss, so I'll start with my Wii and then after Christmas I'll venture out into classes, if only for the sheer purpose of being around other people.

It's not as hard as I thought it would be to get moving although I've only done it once, give it time for my muscles to get mad at me and I'll want to take a break. It's almost easier for me to keep working out than it is for me to eat properly. I go into it with all sorts of good intentions but then I fall back into bad habits and end up eating crap again. It's very frustrating. So I'm going to try that slowly, cut down on the obvious like less sugar and smaller portions. THEN try the new stuff, like this quinoa, I've had it a couple of times but I'd like to but it and figure out how to make it, because apparently it's packed with goodness.

Well kids are up, time to start my day...wish me luck! *YAWN*

Dear Future Teenage Son,

Just you wait. Right now you act like you don't want to sleep. I know you need to but you have this weird idea that you need to be up all the time; like you'll miss something if you go to sleep. You won't, you'll just miss your parents going to sleep earlier...really.

I'm veering off course, my point for this letter future son is to let you know this:

Payback, she is a bitch. ;)

I am secretly planning all the ways I will wake you up when you want to sleep most. Don't get me wrong if you've worked very hard I will let you sleep, if you have studied very hard I will let you sleep, BUT if you party very hard, mama is NOT going to be so kind. :D

I might pound on your door...HARD...at 6am.

PS. Please observe your exceptional cuteness
 which is the very reason you survived
through my sleep deprivation.

I might just walk into your room, pull off all your blankets...then leave again. We live in Canada it gets cold here, you're gonna want those blankets. :/

I might just sit on the bed and tickle your nose.

Or holler your name, a lot, over and over again, until you answer.

You won't know when I will do this, you won't know when it will end, but I promise you son. Mama, she is making plans.

LOVE YOU!
Chatty Mama

Dear Wits End,

Hmm sleep you say?

It's been awhile since I've made it all the way to you wits end but here I am. A lot of the time I'm waving from a distance knowing I'm coming up to my wits end, but then fortune smiles upon me and I get to move away from you again. Not these days though, these days I'm camped out near you mapping out measurements for a permanent residence.

My son will. Not. sleep. Okay, let me rephrase. He will not sleep for longer than, at most, 3 hours at a time. I cannot for the life of me get this kid to give me a long stint at night. Every night that he gets up so consistently has brought me closer to you wits end. I have nothing against you...wait...I'm lying...I have everything against you! I don't want to be near you let along AT you!

I'm thinkin' about it...

If I have to be here then the least you could do is tell me how to get the little blighter to actually freaking stay sleeping. I'll own up to the fact that it's hard for me to hear him moving around in his crib and not want to go and pick him up. In fact I'll go so far as to say that's part of the problem, but wits end, what has brought me to you is figuring out how to tell the boy that morning isn't the time for him to boycott eating. He should be taking a break from eating at NIGHT. That's why we have this thing called breakfast to 'break' the 'fast' of NOT EATING. Oh wits end I love this sweet sweet boy so much and I did have an idea that he'd bring me to you. We've been here before, his sweet sister brought me to you on a regular basis.

...NAH being awake is fun!

However I find a glaring difference because at this point she actually slept through the night. Yeah sure she nursed sometimes 2 or 3 times but goodness at least she'd go back to sleep without a problem. I didn't have to endure the hour of grunting or whinging or whatever it is he does in between feedings.

Wits end I'll break it down very simply for you, I want to move away from you. I don't want to be here again, I'm aware that teething might bring me over to your neck of woods soon but could I get a break?? A few weeks of normal, human sleep?? Is that really too much to ask? I've tried talking to 5am, growth spurt and even sleep itself but I get NOTHING! I'd talk to DS if he wasn't so busy being the cutest little baby who never slept longer than 3 hours at a time! *sigh*

Okay I get it, I signed up for this and all that rot. I know there will be a time when I will look back on this and smile fondly...oh wait no I don't think I'll look back on lack of sleep fondly. His baby cuteness maybe, but not so much the lack of sleep. I will be happy when that's over with for good, or replaced by lack of sleep due to worry.

Tiredly yours,
Chatty Mama

Self cleaning house...Activate!!

Every time I turn around there is something to clean. For the life of me I can't get my self cleaning oven to teach my floor or dishes to self clean. I've tried. I sit here on my couch shouting random instructions to the various messy rooms in my house and they ignore me! I'm being disrespected by my house! Who do I report that to? Right now while my baby sleeps I should be doing some of that cleaning, possibly start supper, but NO dear reader I'm going to write a blog post instead. You can thank me in the comments later. I'm sure this will be worth all of my procrastination.

There are baby apparatuses in every room of this house except for DD's. That particular room is strewn with  many, MANY toys. To list off, just for fun, the living room has the playmat and exersaucer, not to mention the nursing pillow and of course one or two of DD's toys. There's also a vacuum cleaner that hasn't done a LICK of work since I turned it off last week. Lazy ass. Anyway, the kitchen has dishes all over the place, DD's table and chair, her trampoline that seems to collect and then disbrute more dust than anything in the house and DS's swing. Our room has baby clothes up to 12-18 months desperately in need of some organisation, as well as cloth diapers and everything that goes with them waiting to be organised. Then of course the change table has clothes two small that need to be taken out. I did make my bed though so that's a start. Same with DD's room it looks like a bomb hit it, but the bed is made, it's the little things people I'm grasping here, just go with it. :p

And now as I try to think of more witticisms my children call for me, both of them, at the same time. *sigh* Forget cleaning I need to figure out how to either clone myself or split myself in two. Thankfully DH is here, don't know what I'm going to do when he has to leave for more business next month. *double sigh* Come on house...CLEAN! :p