Dear Teething

Do NOT even think about it!

No!

Stay away!

Chatty Mama

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow...

...you're only a day away!!!!

Me? Excited about DH coming home? Nope not at all what gave you that idea? ;)

I have been trying to attempt to write a blog all week, but honestly it would have mostly consisted of:

*SOB* DH come home!
I need sleep!
Yay cloth diapers!
I need sleep!
*SOB* DH come home!

The reasons for my lack of sleep
Cute huh? ;)

Needless to say, basically just whining. Today, however, I feel invigorated enough to write a post because frankly I've actually missed writing them. Go figure. Also I'm very excited that in one more sleep I get to drive to the city and pick up my husband!!! Yay for returning to double parenting!! I do NOT know how you single parents do this...I don't...five days is about ready to put me in an asylum. My house looks like a bomb hit it, the bags under my eyes are deep and dark and I can't remember the last time I actually had a meal that wasn't just toast. However, both kids are clean, fed and pretty happy so I suppose that's a win. lol

So just for fun this is really how my week went. My wonderful in-laws let me hang out at their place so someone else could hold my baby, I could play with my daughter AND I could have intelligent adult conversation. I also got to go on a play date yesterday which helped to tire my kids out. Last night was the best sleep all week, don't start clapping yet, it was still crap...but it was better than the other nights. No child screamed and cried and neither did I.

Making chalk drawing look good! :)

See, great night. DS still got up four times and DD got up twice (different from her brother of course) so mommy didn't sleep much...but over all we're doing pretty good. :) See I'm trying to be optimistic, it helps keep me in a better mood so I don't snap at DD all day, the poor girl gets the brunt of mommy overtired and that's not fair. So if I'm in an optimistic mind frame the mood stays up and the overtired stays down. Win/Win :)

Yesterday was gorgeous outside so I put DS in the wrap and let DD play outside. She loves to take chalk and draw on the driveway, lucky for us we have a huge driveway. This pic still blows me away I just called her, she looked up and there you have it absolutely gorgeous child drawing on the driveway. I look at this picture and think DH is going to have to keep weight lifting to intimidate any boy who even THINKS about asking my beauty out! Honestly how gorgeous is she in this picture? *shakes head* Oh man I'm gonna have issues when boys start looking at her. Forget DH I'm going to be one intimating mama!!

Nice lookin' diapers hey? 

So as I mentioned above I've started cloth diapering. I got my diapers (fluffy mail) on Tuesday and it really did save my sanity that day. I was soo tired and sad that getting the mail was my highlight! I was so excited to get them and start trying them out. I was texting my friend to give me specific instructions on how I should prep them and everything. It took a whole day of washing to get them prepped so I couldn't put them on DS until the next day.

We started off the day in the olive coloured diaper and by the end of the day we'd used three covers...not bad if I do say so myself. I think I have some really fun solid colours so believe me I can't WAIT to get some prints. My kid's bum is going to be so tricked out it's ridiculous.

Yeah I'm wearing cloth and I am cool!

Also ridiculous, how stinkin' cute he looks in them! They really do showcase his cute baby blubber don't they? Look at the chub on that little boy! He was three months old yesterday and I weighed him at a friend's place he's almost 16 pounds! (I was a pound off the other day in my estimation, however it still stands that this kid is a chunky monkey!) The covers he's wearing apparently go from 15-38 pounds so I'll get some good use out of them. That doesn't mean I don't need to buy more, because PRINTS...I am sooo addicted to fluffy mail it's kind of insane. My poor DH is going to have to curb my spending or DS's blinging behind is going to be the reason we're eating Kraft Dinner for a month...LOL

Anyway we have survived this week and after one more sleep we will be able to have our family together again. I hear hints that DH might have to go on a THREE WEEK business trip in the new year. If that happens I think his company owes me some online shopping money. If they give me that then maybe I'll let them have my husband for that long...or even better just let us come with him! Anyway the weekend is almost here and my hubby is almost home...all kinds of yay going on there. :)

Dear Growth Spurt...

The only way he will properly nap.

YOU SUCK!

Honestly what is with the poopy timing? Did you intentionally wait until DH was in Kentucky before you decided to inflict your cluster feeding, growth pain, cling inducing self on my son? What is UP with that?? This boy is 17 pounds! Do you have any idea how much fun he is to carry around all day? Thank the good Lord up above I have a Moby or I would be kickin' your spurty butt to the curb!

How much do you wanna bet that the night DH gets home DS will sleep the longest he's ever slept? Oh it'll happen...I can just see it now. 'He seems to be sleeping fine to me.' You know hun if you're reading this, don't say that because I will give you a black eye, consider this your warning. ;)

Don't get me wrong I absolutely LOVE snuggling with my little guy and it's even more fun in the wrap because he's all cuddled right up against me where he belongs. However, when this has to happen during the week that I have to be both parents to both kids it'd be really nice if I could put the little one down for a minute or two so DD and I can have some time together. The poor girl is going to get a complex and ask to get into the wrap in a minute.

See what you did there growth spurt? You gave the girl a complex, I am billing YOU for her therapy in a few years. I don't understand why you have to stretch and grow my baby so fast!! He's just barely 3 months old and the boy is pushing 20 pounds...no no no no NO! I want him to be my sweet little tiny baby for awhile longer but then of course youuuu had to take that from me.

You best hope we don't run into each other in a dark alley growth spurt cause I most definitely owe YOU a black eye. Go away, leave my baby alone...at least until his father comes home to take him in the morning so I can sleep.

By the way if you see sleep tell it to get it's butt back here it clearly wasn't paying attention to my letter. So now I'm peeved. :p

Screw you,
Chatty Mama

PS. Pass along a message to 5am too...if this keeps up I'm going to consider it stalking.

NOOO don't leave me!!!

Do you think if I hide his suitcases he won't go?

Okay so that MIGHT be melodramatic. It, however, is my genuine reaction to DH having to go on a five day business trip. Yup he's leaving for 5 days, that's actually not that long. In fact he's been gone for 3 weeks before and I've survived. The difference this time is I'm being left with two kids! AHHH! I know, I know there are those out there who parent more than two at a time. Plus, mine are 4 years apart so the difficulty level isn't high. It's just, forget it, I'm a big baby and I don't want to do this alone! *sobs*

I wonder if the neighbours will think less of me if I hang onto his leg kicking and screaming while he tries to get into the car? I honestly thought about it...partly for some humorous dramatics and partly because I really REALLY don't want him to go!!

It's not that I don't think I can handle it, it's that I don't even want to try! I love my kids like crazy, but I definitely look forward to the evenings and weekends when my two kids have two parents available. I only have two sides and there are times I have both kids wanting a piece of me. How do you parents with more than 2 do it? Is there a kid attached to each arm and a leg or strapped to your back or balancing on your head?? I don't get it, the idea of more makes me a little crazy! LOL I'm sure I'll survive and will not run out to him when he returns home next Friday. I'll just casually go out there and hand him the baby...lol

With DD today after shaving, with DS yesterday before shaving...lol

I don't know that I'd miss him that much if he wasn't so hands on. Which I prefer by the way! He does art work with DD, who enjoys painting and gluing with daddy. And one of DS's favourite spots is right there on daddy's chest. As you can see in the pic he clearly just zones out on there. I'd miss him either way, but knowing how involved he is with the kids makes it that much harder.

Thankfully there are things like Skype and iPhones to keep him as involved as possible while he's gone. He can talk to DD at night before she goes to bed and he can see DS so that he knows how badly he wants to cuddle him when he gets home.

I am so very grateful that DH has a job that allows him to work from home so that he is around for a lot more of our kids growing up than he would be otherwise. It is because of this that I can handle his rather infrequent business trips because it still works out in our favour in the end. However if they really do send him to the Philippines for 3 weeks I'm going with him! LOL

Dear 5am...

So cute and SOO not sleeping.

I never EVER want to see you again. We are breaking up, the only time I want to be near you is when I'm sleeping right through you. I know you got to show me this little cutie this morning and that's all fine and dandy. I do want to let you in on a little secret. I SEE HIM ALL DAY! *ehm* Sorry I'll try not to yell, it's just that I spend my whole day with this beautiful boy, I would really REALLY like to spend the night sleeping so that I can enjoy him the next day.

Sleep and I have had a talk about the fact that it can't seem to hang around long enough. If you two work together and I get some of sleep then maybe just maybe you'll be back in my good books. That said I still don't want to see you, ever. You can tell the sun I said hi, you can watch over me while I'm sleeping but for the love of all things holy stop asking me to hang out. It's not going to happen, I'm taken you are not the hour for me so go hang out with the other hours that are not for me (12-6) you can form a club or whatever but leave me the heck alone.

I am mommy, one who has seen THE EYE!

An hour I don't mind seeing is 7 but its brother 7:30 would do well to not scare me by encouraging my daughter to come so close to my face in the morning that I feel her breathing and wake up to this eye!

My daughter is beautiful and has lovely eyes.  In fact she also has eyelashes that I envy but goodness gracious they about gave me a heart attack that close to my face. Thankfully I didn't scream because after DS went back to sleep he stayed that way till 8:30! That's why I like those later morning times, they seem way more agreeable. Not so loud and obtrusive :p

We had our time in the sun (depending on the season) 5am but I have grown up now and have no intention of hanging out with you at all in the future. Please enjoy the memories of our times and move on, I need it for the love of sanity. These two children that I have need a mama who is alert so if you keep waking them up at your time then I am not alert I am a bear...a very angry snappy bear.

It's been a slice 5am, I really hope we don't see each other again. However, if we do I would warn you to leave quickly or I could get very angry. Send me to your friend 8am, I really like that one :)

From,
Chatty Mama

Gong, gong...

...do you hear that? That's the gong of the gong show that was my day yesterday. *sigh*

Don't yawn son...SLEEP! :)

You know your day is going to turn out to be long when you have to help your infant son work out his gas at 3:30 in the morning and then proceed to have him only calm down and sleep when he is on you. So by 6 that morning I really hadn't had much sleep. I did get about 3.5 hours before the gas debacle but not much after that. Thankfully DH took our son for at least 45 minutes this morning so I got a bit of a nap in then.

Last night wasn't much different. He went about 3 hours from the dream feed then maybe another 45 minutes to an hour before we had another gas issue that had me giving him gripe water and helping him work it out. Then he slept with me till he nursed again. He slept in his crib for just over an hour and then he was up again wanting cuddles from mom. The only reason I put him back in his crib was just so I could get some deep sleep without having to be in the same position, so aware that he's there. (He squirms a lot)

He woke up this morning, after nursing at about 6:45, smiling widely at me. It's just so hard to be upset with him when he's so stinkin' cute, but man alive do I want to sleep now. He's actually taking a semblance of a nap, but I need to be up to make DD some breakfast cause I promised her crepes. SOO it goes.

Yeah that`s right you sit there and be cute.

I hope the gong show that was yesterday doesn't bleed into today, it's so hard for me to be involved with what DD is doing when DS is so clingy. DD feels sad and ignored and I just feel so drained and tired that everything she does gets on my nerves. I have to take deep breaths so I'm not taking my tiredness out on her, but she's four, and chatty and oh my word it just seems like it is NON STOP when I just want a break.

DH is gone next week and I think I might go mad. I honestly do not know how single parents do it. You guys amaze me! Kudos to all my single parent friends, you're heroes in my book.

Birth Story...and I almost died...

Since my most recent birth story comes with a scary addition I figured I'd post it here, so that when I reference it in other posts it'll make sense to those who do not know the details. Please if you have any questions feel free to ask them in the comments. In the future I can give you my first birth story it's not nearly as traumatic, but close. Anyway here we go:


This is probably going to be long. It is probably going to have some graphic stuff written in it...if you would call yourself the 'faint of heart' I would avoid this post...call this my disclaimer. :)
I didn't think I'd actually have a birth story to tell when I went into this pregnancy because I basically knew I'd be having a c-section. I wanted to try a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section) but deep down I knew that my body just isn't compatible for natural births. Which sucks because I will never experience that now and I have definitely had to grieve that knowledge. However, since my life and my children's lives are not defined by how they entered the world I have grieved this and moved on.  

39 weeks 3 days

On Tuesday June 26th I took one last picture of me being pregnant and went to the hospital to have my baby. This time was so different from last time because I wasn't in labour and I knew what was going to happen. Everything happened fairly textbook. The surgery was quick, there was that brief moment before I heard the cry that I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. I will never forget the look on DH's face when he said 'it's a boy'. It really made it worth it that we had waited the whole nine months to find out who we were having. The moment I saw him I knew his name suited him...the whole time it had been my first choice for a name but I didn't really feel it until I saw him, then I was sure. 

There was an agonising hour that I had to wait before I could properly hold him but I knew he was with his dad so it was okay. Everything seemed to go fairly good from then on, I obviously felt like anyone would after major abdominal surgery but in the beginning there it actually felt better than it had with DD, so I thought this would be so much easier, boy was I wrong. 

Almost from the moment I got home I felt like I was in more pain than last time. This could have to do with the fact that last time I got to take some T3's home with me and this time it was just regular Tylenol and Advil. It still just felt different and as the days went on it actually felt wrong. With DD even though I had felt like a train had run me over, each day I would feel much better and it just went from there. This time for the first few days I felt a bit better but then it started going downhill. I wasn't producing as much breast milk as I had with DD so I was feeding DS at closer intervals and he always seemed hungry. However he still gained back his birth weight and more by his two week appointment so obviously he was still getting the nutrients, I just had to feed him more to do it. (And now he's almost 15 - 16 pounds and nearly 3 months old so throughout all this he has thrived! :)

At our two week appointment I mentioned to my doctor that there felt like there was a hard painful lump under my belly button and it didn't seem to be getting better. After barely looking at it and hardly touching it I was told it was normal and that was it. Now I'm not saying by looking at it there would have been any obvious signs that it was going to be a huge infection, but I'm pretty sure if I had been looked at a little more closely it could have been noted that something was off. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. Since I was told it was normal I tried to ignore it over the next couple of weeks but it really only started to get worse. Then almost two weeks later I got the fever. First day it was 101 and it stayed in that range (unless I had taken Tylenol) for 5 days; even after I'd gone to the clinic and got a prescription for oral antibiotics. 

Flowers DD brought to me in the hospital

In retrospect I remember thinking that I should just turn off and go to the ER on the night I went to the clinic with my fever, but I was terrified that if I went in they'd admit me and then I'd be kept away from my baby. I think I lived with the fever as long as I did because I couldn't stand the thought of being kept away from him. When we finally went in on the Wednesday night (July 25th) I visibly relaxed when they told me that not only could I keep him with me at the hospital but I could continue to breastfeed him. It was my focus on him that kept me from thinking thoroughly about what was really going on with me. If I had thought about that too much I think I would have been in a very bad place at the hospital waiting to find out what exactly was wrong with me. Which was a very bad infection, one that spread rapidly the night before I had my surgery. 

I'm scared to think about what would have happened if I had waited just a couple more days before going in. What they found was a fist size hard clot of blood that had collected together after my c-section. Normally during a surgery like that if blood gets into the cavity it's absorbed back into the body, on rare occasions it doesn't. I think if it had been detected sooner the IV antibiotics would have been able to get at it, but because it was in there for two more weeks it formed a protective hard covering that the IV couldn't reach. So they had to go in and physically remove it. The doctor who did my surgery (love him by the way) told me it was about the size of a fist. They left the wound open for 5 days so that any other fluids could drain while it healed from the inside out...then I was stapled shut. 

DS the day we were released, he's a bit big for the hospital bassinet :) 

At one point during the 5 days the wound was open they had to 'un-package and re-package' my wound...if you have a weak stomach don't read this or brace yourself. I lay on the bed and the doctor pulled out the gauze that had been inside my wound THEN put fresh gauze back in...the amount that he pulled out was ridiculous and almost made me puke...but the feeling of it coming out was the worst! No wait the worst was when he put more gauze back in. I was honestly traumatised...I think they thought the shot of pain killer they gave me would be enough to mask it but even without the pain I sobbed. I can tell you this I've never wanted my mother more than in that moment...never. 

The wound was stapled on the Thursday and I was released (with staples) that Saturday...which was the day my sister arrived. I got my staples out the following Tuesday and only then did I feel like I was finally moving away from this whole ordeal. I feel like the I was robbed of my first month with my baby. I'm frustrated that I wasn't listened too when I first thought there was a problem but I'm more frustrated that I didn't do or say anything until it was almost too late. I'm not kidding, even though I wasn't told outright I know that I was very close to being too late. I was so worried about being kept from my baby for a little bit I almost lost the chance to be with him at all. It's sobering to think about because I honestly haven't faced my mortality like that before.

Sorry to be so morbid...the end result is that I'm doing better now. I'm taking each day slowly, trying not to overdo myself but also wanting to get back into the swing of things. I truly love my life and I'm so very glad that I get to go back to enjoying it again. 

We were helped so much throughout this whole ordeal. I have no idea how we would have made it without the prayer and support from everyone, but mostly from my wonderful mother-in-law, sister and mom. The timing of my sister's visit just happened to coincide to a time when I needed her most and then my mom came just after. If I didn't have them over those two weeks it would have been harder to recover. If my mother-in-law hadn't taken care of DD during the last week I was in the hospital I don't know what we would have done. DH needed to work and DD needed a stable adult that she trusted to spend time with her. It was the perfect set up under the circumstances. Now at the end of this I finally get to enjoy my wonderful new family of four and hopefully never have to be hospitalised again!

Getting To Know Me

1. State your name: Chatty Mama ;)

2. State the name that your parents almost named you: Erin

3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? It's a toss up between my mom and my sister.

4. What was your first job? I had a paper route, but my first hourly wage job was at McDonald's...do you want fries with that? ;)

6. Did anything embarassing happen this week? I have a four-year-old I don't get embarrassed much any more...especially when she likes to talk about the fact that I feed her baby brother with my boobs, usually said in public...lol

7. Do you miss your ex? Not even a little bit.

8. Do people praise you for your looks? Not sure how to answer this one...no one goes on and on about me being ugly...lol

9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? Probably blue or purple

10. How do you wear your makeup? On my face ;)

11. What are some of your nicknames? Mommy and hun are the ones used the most :)

12. How many bedrooms are in your house? 4

13. How many bathrooms? 2

14. Do you have a job? Yes I'm a stay at home mom, it's a 24/7 gig that gets paid in smiles and hugs. :)

15. Do you have a car? Yup

16. Do you work out every week? I wish, not yet, have to get over the last of my surgeries before I can get back to that but I'd love to start soon!

17. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Yes

18. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again? Many moons ago this was commonplace I'm ashamed to say.

19. Have you ever sang in front of a crowd?  In high school I did a bit yes.

20. What kind of bathing suit do you wear? One the covers all the bits affected by growing my babies. :)

21. Do you like your eyes? Yes I do

22. Do you think you are pretty? Sure

23. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My husband

24. How much money is in your checking account? Enough

25. Are you single? Nope

26. Do you want kids? I have two, that's enough :)

27. Tell me what your back pack looks like: Wow I feel dated now, my daughter has two pink back packs...lol

28. What celebrity do you think is hot? Hmm, depends on my mood...gotta see Magic Mike ;)

29. Last movie you saw in theatre: The Avengers...SO GOOD!

30. Are you dating the same person you dated last year? I'm not dating anyone, I'm married to the same person I was married to last year...lol

31. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? Yup

32. Have you ever cheated? Nope

33: Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? LMAO...my husband's name starts with J ;)

34: What do you like to do in your spare time? I very rarely get spare time so when I do I like to sleep, play on my computer, sleep, read or just sip a nice drink and revel in the fact that no one is asking me a thousand questions...lol

35: Do you have a facebook? Yes

36: What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? My hubby is constantly doing cute things for me :)

37: Who was the last person you texted? Uh more than likely my friend in the States...we tend to text constantly on What's App...lol

38: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? Enough

39: How do you look right now? Like a mom 

40: Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? My hubby and then my kids :)

Cloth diapering is a HUGE undertaking...

...the scary thing is I haven't even started yet! LoL I really think in the end it will save DH and I a lot of money for us to cloth diaper DS and since the diapers will only be on his little bum I can sell my stash off when I don't need it. I'm glad I know a number of moms already cloth diapering or I would be sooo lost. I think I put it off for so long because there are just so many varieties I had no idea where to start.

Who would have thought that diapering could be so lucrative? LoL I mean there are designs and patterns and so many different colours and that's only for the covers! Then there are inserts of varying varieties it makes my head spin. I had to educate my grandmother that I won't have to hand wash them, there are no pins and the covers aren't just plastic and plain. I mean heck it's probably impossible to just get a white one, I mean how boring is that. I wanna find a camo one for DS! LOL

Don't even get me started on the leggings that you can now get so that baby can show off the diaper cover! Next summer DS is just gonna be in cute diaper covers and baby leggings...because that is the style...I'm kind of sad I didn't do this with DD because the covers with ruffles on the butt are too cute. Practical, no, but definitely cute.

I'm writing about this now because I ordered my first set of diapers and I want them to come in the mail already! Now I ordered them yesterday so obviously I have to wait (I HATE waiting!) so I figured I'd write about them. Maybe once I get the mail I'll write a letter to them. Do I see a 'Dear Cloth Diapers' post in my future? More than likely. Are you on the edge of your seat in anticipation? Yeah I thought so.

I'm sure I'll have all kinds of things to say once I venture into actually using these diapers. Not to mention pictures of how cute my little boy's butt is going to look in those covers. I haven't even ordered and prints yet, just solid colours. I have to work my way up to it...LOL

Oh yeah I haven't even talked about the accessories that 'need' to be involved in this endeavour. There are different varieties of bags to put the used diapers in (some that you can apparently just throw right into the wash). Then bags for diaper bags and then you can get bamboo, hemp or microfiber products because you know it's not overwhelming already.

I'm determined to be a pro at this, so I can at least prove to my husband it's a worthwhile investment...oh and because it's best for the environment and all that. Wow I just realised I'm a bed sharing, baby wearing, breast feeding and cloth diapering mama. When the heck did that happen?

Dear Sleep,

I miss you friend. It seems so long since we've hung out for an extended period of time. Also I would really appreciate it if you could spend some extra time with my son. When you don't hang out with him he wants to hang out with me and while I love him more than life itself in order for me to keep giving him life I need to get more of you.

You're a party animal sleep, can't sit still for long which troubles me because I need you to hang out with me for a number of hours at a time. My children would prefer their mother not a grizzly bear growling at them all day. I blame you for this sleep, if I had you I would not be grumpy. So for the love of everything holy quit flitting around my house and just land for the entire night. Please, or pretty please.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't  be operating heavy machinery with the lack of you. That's got to be in the fine print somewhere on my insurance. I wonder if the washer and dryer qualify as heavy machinery? Not that it matters mind you, four people make enough laundry that tired or not it needs to get done. I find it odd that my infant son seems to rebuff you at every turn, yet I'm sure in a few years he'll be wishing he had all day to be able to enjoy you.

Sleep I may have ignored you in the past and I'm sorry for that. I recognise now how important you are in my life so please come back to me sleep. DH and I really could use some reprieve from our every day and we look forward to you at night. Maybe you could explain to DS at nap times today how important it is for him to hang out with you at night. I would really appreciate that, he seems to think if he indulges in you that he'll be missing something. He's got his whole life ahead of him, now is the time for him to grab onto you and not let go.

He'll have the rest of his life to wish he had...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sincerely,
Chatty Mama

Taking a drive...

A wonderful friend of mine has a couple of weeks off and I decided to drive into the city last night to visit her. I like being able to do these things again. After DS was born I thought I'd be able to at least enjoy some of the summer, but when I had to go back into the hospital it basically took me out of the running to do anything social. Thankfully I have wonderful friends and family who visited me and kept me sane.

Now I want to go out and visit back. Just being able to get out of the house again helps me to realize how wonderful life is. I will expand on this experience in a following post, this is about DS and I hanging out last night.

I had initially planned to leave both kids at home, but realized it was much more work to pump and get engorged then to just take my little snuggly boy with me. :)

When DD was born I was way more uptight about taking her out. I was so nervous about how she would act I think she picked up on it and would freak out...lol Or she was just overly sensitive and got over stimulated quickly. Because of this I tended to keep her at home more in the early stages. DS on the other hand is just a relaxed dude. He rides in the car well, even if he cries it's not for long and then he usually nods off. When we walked around the mall he just lay in his car seat and looked around.

At one point on the drive there he cried a bit and once we got there he had this huge tear sitting on his cheek. He looked all happy at that point but that big tear was just so sad. :) He's such a little sweetie pie I love taking him around.

No one can resist those big wide blue eyes of his so I think I get stared at more now when I'm holding him than when I was pregnant. Not that I blame them, he's very cute.

And just because I need to add another picture of his extreme cuteness here he is as we were getting ready to leave last night. He just liked to smile up at my friend almost like he was flirting with her. Oh who am I kidding my son was totally flirting with her..lol It's like he's already aware of his charm, which doesn't surprise me. His daddy is a charmer too. ;)

Next up I'm have a date with my girl...who is sporting the clothes I bought her. She was so pumped about the tights I think I'm going to have to get her some more. I needed a solution of something for her to wear under her skirt so that she's not flashing her panties to everyone (anyone know how to teach a four-year-old to stop doing that?) and something warmer to wear as the weather gets cooler. I think she's going to want to come with me next time I shop...looks like we need to have a girls day soon. This mom thing is fun! ;)

We've been here one year!

I can't believe we have been in our house for one year! It's not that we haven't lived in one place for a year before but this is the first place we've lived in where we aren't constantly thinking about the next place. Living somewhere knowing you are going to move makes it very hard to settle and be comfortable there. You are constantly thinking 'and then when we move'.

When we lived in our first house (after two apartments) it was so tiny we always knew we'd be leaving because it was impossible to think about my dear husband (DH) working from home in that dank depressing basement. Plus, we knew we wanted to expand our family by at least one and since our darling daughter (DD) had a room the size of a walk in closet and ours was not much bigger. With the way my darling son (DS) is growing I can assure you he wouldn't have fit properly in either room with us, so we had to go.

We made the decision to move out of the bigger city to a smaller area. I liked the idea of 'small town' schools for my kids and the prices of houses is much cheaper in this area than in the big city. Last summer we rented this huge house from a guy who was moving from another province and was waiting for his house to sell there. It was a lot of fun to have such a ridiculous amount of space, but wow the upkeep was insane! I'm not saying I wouldn't want that much square footage again, but right now I don't want to have to clean all of that! Maybe when my kids are older and I can give them some jobs to do to help me. ;)

We went down a bit in size from our 'summer home' last fall but, for now, I'm much more comfy in this home. It's just enough room for our family of four even with DH working from home. Plus it's in a growing neighbourhood so for the time being we don't have any backdoor neighbours so our deck looks out on a beautiful prairie field facing west so the sunsets are just amazing. Plus we've gotten more than a few double rainbows so I say that's a sign we are where we're meant to be.

We started out renting and then got to buy it so this little piece of land is truly ours and it just feels right being here. The timing couldn't be more perfect because we're finally getting an Ikea in the city and oh my goodness I can't wait to go there and get accents and accessories for my house! Finally next year we won't have to think about moving, or having a baby. Just need to think about living. Woot.

Dear Pregnancy,

You are devious! You make it seem so easy. Just strap on this cute belly then push out this cute baby. You never go into specifics. Which in retrospect could be considered wise, because I don't think we'd even try you on if we knew all the details. Oh who am I kidding even when I got graphic details I STILL wanted you pregnancy. It's that amazing miracle at the end that kept my focus, which is a good thing for my kids cause as much as I want to say I was prepared for you I really wasn't.

For example what's with the constant peeing? I mean really, right at the beginning it's every fifteen minutes and by the end I might as well have lived in the bathroom I ran there so much. This last time my first born kept quipping 'Mommy you are always peeing!' 'Yes sweetie I really am.' Then to make matters WORSE there are those times when you won't even wait till I get to the bathroom! Not cool pregnancy, not cool.

You're also so unexpected!! Even when you are tried for! The first time around you pounced on us without giving us a chance to get used to this journey we had started on. Second time around you decided to leave and take our miracle with you. Can't fault you for that one pregnancy, it wasn't in your control, but I gotta say it hurt, don't do that again. Then the third time it took you FOREVER to get here. I mean what route were you taking for goodness sake?? It's not like you hadn't been here before!

Don't even get me started on how you decide to make your exit. Talk about melodramatics. You put me through 29 hours of labour and then decide you won't let my baby out so I had to send someone in to get her. The next time I think I'm all prepared getting someone ready to get him out and you go and leave some of yourself behind so I need extra surgery to have you all removed. Really?? Let me give life and then almost take mine away? Devious move there pregnancy. I get it, life is a gift so cherish each day, but were the damn dramatics necessary??

Your most devious move yet is to give me two absolutely beautiful children so no matter what you put me through I'd go through it all again just to have them in my life. You play a mean game pregnancy and now that I have my girl and my boy, I'm out, go bother someone else.

It's been fun...not really,
Chatty Mama

Dear Former Self

You have an idea of how life is supposed to go. I know you. You think if you wish for it hard it enough it will play out exactly how you have it in your mind. As you, years later, I'm here to tell you to let go of that. For the love of sanity relax and enjoy where you are in that moment. Please quit thinking, dreaming and planning for a future you cannot manipulate. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you quit trying to plan things you can't control.

You're scoffing as you read this I know the face exactly. That face that is placating me but really still thinks that if you focus, dream and pray hard enough it'll happen exactly how you planned. Know that right now I'm laughing at you former self, you know nothing my friend, nothing about your future so quit trying. Enjoy your now.

Every man you meet till 2006 is NOT the man you will marry. For whatever reason they aren't so don't waste your time pining away after someone who isn't going to like you back. Yes you wanted your mother's romance, here's a newsflash, you can't have it because your mother already has it. Create your own.

You think you'll love every moment of being pregnant because you know it is such a miracle. Bullshit friend, when you wake up for the 90th time to pee and have to use momentum (or a shove from your husband) to push you out of bed I can assure you there no enjoyment. Feeling nauseous at the smell of coffee and working at Starbucks do not a happy pregnant lady make. Yes there are absolutely amazing moments, like the first time you hear the heartbeat, the first time you feel movement, the first cry...those moments are life changing and worth all the aggravation. Just stop thinking you can control ANY of it. Not one of those moments can you control, you can only control how you react, focus on that.

You know nothing about being a parent. Really you don't. Watching other parents, living with your own and taking care of other people's children will prepare you to a point but you have absolutely NO IDEA about being a parent until you are thrust into it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So all of those times you sat at the mall and judged what a mother was doing with her child you will eat your words. No matter what, your baby will poop in that beautiful outfit you wanted everyone to see. No matter how you prepare tantrums will happen and they will happen in public. Again you cannot control that so let it go, what you can control is how you react.

I promise you that all the nights that you cried because you were alone make all the nights with your husband more wonderful, even if he snores. ;) You WILL reach a moment where you feel content and happy. Please, please enjoy it, don't worry about when the other shoe will drop, just enjoy where you are. It's all worth it, the waiting, the pain and the heartache.

Trust me. I was you and now I'm so happy being me. Look at what we have :)

Love,
Chatty Mama

Getting started...

Do you want to know what I'm looking at right now? A glimpse of a basket of laundry that is sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to go down and be washed. For some reason this basket has not figured out how to make its way to the laundry room and into the washer by itself. Why is that? I distinctly remember saying 'Go wash yourself' yet nothing. You would think I would go do it myself, especially since, in this moment, my youngest is actually sleeping and my oldest is occupied. However, I have decided to give yet another blog a go.

You see I have a blog, I started it in 2007 with delusions of writing in it daily about my life as I planned my wedding, instead I let that procrastination take over and sure enough it's fallen into oblivion with random updates through my first pregnancy then huge gaps through the early stages of my daughter's life and one last post to say I was pregnant again then; nothing.

In a real time admission after I wrote that last paragraph my son woke up, I changed him, cuddled him and put him back down. He got up again and I repeated the above scenario cause he had pooped. Then my daughter needed to be changed out of her pj's because it's almost noon and there needs to be a time when daytime clothes are worn. Now I'm snacking on yogurt covered raisins, drinking my third cup of coffee and perusing people.com. In short I've already deviated from my 'focus on posting' thing.

My reality is that I start a lot of things that get finished much later. With two kids at home, one 4 and one 2 months I don't get a lot of time in a row for me...it's little 10 minute bits here and there. So I'm going to try and use those bits to blog, because I'm the first mom to think of blogging. I know this ;)

Bare with me as I create this little nook of the Internet to share a part of my life with you. Please feel free to comment because the more interaction I have the more likely I am to blog. I don't know if that's incentive to comment or not but I'll take what I can get. Now I will end this initial post with a picture of my VERY cute children.