Dear Former Self

You have an idea of how life is supposed to go. I know you. You think if you wish for it hard it enough it will play out exactly how you have it in your mind. As you, years later, I'm here to tell you to let go of that. For the love of sanity relax and enjoy where you are in that moment. Please quit thinking, dreaming and planning for a future you cannot manipulate. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you quit trying to plan things you can't control.

You're scoffing as you read this I know the face exactly. That face that is placating me but really still thinks that if you focus, dream and pray hard enough it'll happen exactly how you planned. Know that right now I'm laughing at you former self, you know nothing my friend, nothing about your future so quit trying. Enjoy your now.

Every man you meet till 2006 is NOT the man you will marry. For whatever reason they aren't so don't waste your time pining away after someone who isn't going to like you back. Yes you wanted your mother's romance, here's a newsflash, you can't have it because your mother already has it. Create your own.

You think you'll love every moment of being pregnant because you know it is such a miracle. Bullshit friend, when you wake up for the 90th time to pee and have to use momentum (or a shove from your husband) to push you out of bed I can assure you there no enjoyment. Feeling nauseous at the smell of coffee and working at Starbucks do not a happy pregnant lady make. Yes there are absolutely amazing moments, like the first time you hear the heartbeat, the first time you feel movement, the first cry...those moments are life changing and worth all the aggravation. Just stop thinking you can control ANY of it. Not one of those moments can you control, you can only control how you react, focus on that.

You know nothing about being a parent. Really you don't. Watching other parents, living with your own and taking care of other people's children will prepare you to a point but you have absolutely NO IDEA about being a parent until you are thrust into it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So all of those times you sat at the mall and judged what a mother was doing with her child you will eat your words. No matter what, your baby will poop in that beautiful outfit you wanted everyone to see. No matter how you prepare tantrums will happen and they will happen in public. Again you cannot control that so let it go, what you can control is how you react.

I promise you that all the nights that you cried because you were alone make all the nights with your husband more wonderful, even if he snores. ;) You WILL reach a moment where you feel content and happy. Please, please enjoy it, don't worry about when the other shoe will drop, just enjoy where you are. It's all worth it, the waiting, the pain and the heartache.

Trust me. I was you and now I'm so happy being me. Look at what we have :)

Love,
Chatty Mama