Birth Story...and I almost died...

Since my most recent birth story comes with a scary addition I figured I'd post it here, so that when I reference it in other posts it'll make sense to those who do not know the details. Please if you have any questions feel free to ask them in the comments. In the future I can give you my first birth story it's not nearly as traumatic, but close. Anyway here we go:


This is probably going to be long. It is probably going to have some graphic stuff written in it...if you would call yourself the 'faint of heart' I would avoid this post...call this my disclaimer. :)
I didn't think I'd actually have a birth story to tell when I went into this pregnancy because I basically knew I'd be having a c-section. I wanted to try a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section) but deep down I knew that my body just isn't compatible for natural births. Which sucks because I will never experience that now and I have definitely had to grieve that knowledge. However, since my life and my children's lives are not defined by how they entered the world I have grieved this and moved on.  

39 weeks 3 days

On Tuesday June 26th I took one last picture of me being pregnant and went to the hospital to have my baby. This time was so different from last time because I wasn't in labour and I knew what was going to happen. Everything happened fairly textbook. The surgery was quick, there was that brief moment before I heard the cry that I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. I will never forget the look on DH's face when he said 'it's a boy'. It really made it worth it that we had waited the whole nine months to find out who we were having. The moment I saw him I knew his name suited him...the whole time it had been my first choice for a name but I didn't really feel it until I saw him, then I was sure. 

There was an agonising hour that I had to wait before I could properly hold him but I knew he was with his dad so it was okay. Everything seemed to go fairly good from then on, I obviously felt like anyone would after major abdominal surgery but in the beginning there it actually felt better than it had with DD, so I thought this would be so much easier, boy was I wrong. 

Almost from the moment I got home I felt like I was in more pain than last time. This could have to do with the fact that last time I got to take some T3's home with me and this time it was just regular Tylenol and Advil. It still just felt different and as the days went on it actually felt wrong. With DD even though I had felt like a train had run me over, each day I would feel much better and it just went from there. This time for the first few days I felt a bit better but then it started going downhill. I wasn't producing as much breast milk as I had with DD so I was feeding DS at closer intervals and he always seemed hungry. However he still gained back his birth weight and more by his two week appointment so obviously he was still getting the nutrients, I just had to feed him more to do it. (And now he's almost 15 - 16 pounds and nearly 3 months old so throughout all this he has thrived! :)

At our two week appointment I mentioned to my doctor that there felt like there was a hard painful lump under my belly button and it didn't seem to be getting better. After barely looking at it and hardly touching it I was told it was normal and that was it. Now I'm not saying by looking at it there would have been any obvious signs that it was going to be a huge infection, but I'm pretty sure if I had been looked at a little more closely it could have been noted that something was off. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. Since I was told it was normal I tried to ignore it over the next couple of weeks but it really only started to get worse. Then almost two weeks later I got the fever. First day it was 101 and it stayed in that range (unless I had taken Tylenol) for 5 days; even after I'd gone to the clinic and got a prescription for oral antibiotics. 

Flowers DD brought to me in the hospital

In retrospect I remember thinking that I should just turn off and go to the ER on the night I went to the clinic with my fever, but I was terrified that if I went in they'd admit me and then I'd be kept away from my baby. I think I lived with the fever as long as I did because I couldn't stand the thought of being kept away from him. When we finally went in on the Wednesday night (July 25th) I visibly relaxed when they told me that not only could I keep him with me at the hospital but I could continue to breastfeed him. It was my focus on him that kept me from thinking thoroughly about what was really going on with me. If I had thought about that too much I think I would have been in a very bad place at the hospital waiting to find out what exactly was wrong with me. Which was a very bad infection, one that spread rapidly the night before I had my surgery. 

I'm scared to think about what would have happened if I had waited just a couple more days before going in. What they found was a fist size hard clot of blood that had collected together after my c-section. Normally during a surgery like that if blood gets into the cavity it's absorbed back into the body, on rare occasions it doesn't. I think if it had been detected sooner the IV antibiotics would have been able to get at it, but because it was in there for two more weeks it formed a protective hard covering that the IV couldn't reach. So they had to go in and physically remove it. The doctor who did my surgery (love him by the way) told me it was about the size of a fist. They left the wound open for 5 days so that any other fluids could drain while it healed from the inside out...then I was stapled shut. 

DS the day we were released, he's a bit big for the hospital bassinet :) 

At one point during the 5 days the wound was open they had to 'un-package and re-package' my wound...if you have a weak stomach don't read this or brace yourself. I lay on the bed and the doctor pulled out the gauze that had been inside my wound THEN put fresh gauze back in...the amount that he pulled out was ridiculous and almost made me puke...but the feeling of it coming out was the worst! No wait the worst was when he put more gauze back in. I was honestly traumatised...I think they thought the shot of pain killer they gave me would be enough to mask it but even without the pain I sobbed. I can tell you this I've never wanted my mother more than in that moment...never. 

The wound was stapled on the Thursday and I was released (with staples) that Saturday...which was the day my sister arrived. I got my staples out the following Tuesday and only then did I feel like I was finally moving away from this whole ordeal. I feel like the I was robbed of my first month with my baby. I'm frustrated that I wasn't listened too when I first thought there was a problem but I'm more frustrated that I didn't do or say anything until it was almost too late. I'm not kidding, even though I wasn't told outright I know that I was very close to being too late. I was so worried about being kept from my baby for a little bit I almost lost the chance to be with him at all. It's sobering to think about because I honestly haven't faced my mortality like that before.

Sorry to be so morbid...the end result is that I'm doing better now. I'm taking each day slowly, trying not to overdo myself but also wanting to get back into the swing of things. I truly love my life and I'm so very glad that I get to go back to enjoying it again. 

We were helped so much throughout this whole ordeal. I have no idea how we would have made it without the prayer and support from everyone, but mostly from my wonderful mother-in-law, sister and mom. The timing of my sister's visit just happened to coincide to a time when I needed her most and then my mom came just after. If I didn't have them over those two weeks it would have been harder to recover. If my mother-in-law hadn't taken care of DD during the last week I was in the hospital I don't know what we would have done. DH needed to work and DD needed a stable adult that she trusted to spend time with her. It was the perfect set up under the circumstances. Now at the end of this I finally get to enjoy my wonderful new family of four and hopefully never have to be hospitalised again!